24/7 Happiness

24/7 Happiness

In starting this blog, it’s been really interesting and fun having dialogue with many people about the topics I’ve discussed. One thing people have seemingly taken to is my attitude.  They appreciate my positivity and they ask me, “How do you stay that way.” Well, here’s my secret.  I DON’T!!! It is impossible to stay happy and positive 24/7.  This life we lead is difficult.  It has so many twists and turns that we can never imagine, and many times can’t see past them when they occur.  We get focused on these things that happen to us, can’t see a way out, and we get down.  That is normal; our goal is not to be happy 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.  Instead, we should just focus on being happy the majority of the time.  So, let’s shoot for 51% of our week and go from there J.  

Recent Struggles

            So, about three months ago right before Christmas I encountered a confluence of events that really took from my ability to stay happy and positive.  I broke my hip & femur near the end of November.  This needed surgery to place two titanium rods to stabilize the bones in my already weak (from paralysis) leg.  I was nervous how this would heal; as I don’t receive the same amount of blood flow into that leg and this can drastically affect healing timetables. Due to this injury I was now out of work. I actually broke my hip the morning of my last day as a long-term substitute at a local high school.  I was in the process of interviewing for other positions, but now this changed all of that.  I would need time to heal.  As Christmas approached, my girlfriend at the time decided things were not working out.  My best friend was now gone, and my phone went radio-silent.  So now here I laid; injured, jobless, no girlfriend, and it was the holiday season.  Real pathetic, Eddie.  I know, right??? I was sad, I was down, and my positivity had taken a major hit.  I felt physical pain, mental pain, and emotional pain. I thought with even everything I have been through, this series of events might actually be what made me unravel.  I thought I might give up. We can never do that, we must go forward. We must keep going. 

Find Your Value

I felt of no value, I thought others didn’t see value in me.  Was I worthless? No absolutely not, but I did have to search for my value.  For me, it was a simple email from Magee Rehab and a new patient they would like for me to mentor.  In the visit with the man, his fiancée, and his father I realized that doing for others is where my value lies.  For better or worse, I have unique experiences and they can help a person, which in itself makes me happy.  When I walk into a place where people have just lost that ability to walk, my perspective came back. There were many reasons for me to be positive, happy, and to realize I was blessed. I understood I needed to do more of this, share my experiences, and help others.  All of our personal paths are different, but figure out what makes you tick, what makes you happy, and by all means do more of it.

Small Goals

Even when the bad stuff seemingly piles up make sure you try to be positive/happy a majority of the time.  Each day we wake up we can will ourselves to a good day if we truly want it.  That’s what I did. It’s an old Alcoholics Anonymous idea of just, “One day at a time.” So, just one day at a time, I tried to be happy.  Sometimes it was a minute-to-minute thought process, but the time accumulates.  If we think too much into the future, things become daunting, but one day is nothing.  It’s 24 hours, and to keep us positive for that small amount of time doesn’t seem so crazy.  Make morning and bedtime rituals to begin the day and end the night correctly.  These will set us on the road to a productive day and allow us to get to sleep easier, which being well rested is always a recipe for a better day.  For instance, in the morning I make my bed everyday.  Seems simple, right? I saw a video not too long ago about a Navy Admiral, who mentioned this and to be honest it works.  I do that and a small cleaning of my room, read a daily quote, pray, and do cardio.  I have accomplished something and I’m ready to attack the day with vigor.  At night, we usually think of all the bad and these things keep us up at night.  I like to make tea, read quotes/books, write, and reflect on the day.  This works for me, and it tires me out, so whatever is weighing on me doesn’t keep me up at night. 

Don’t Just Sit There

            As you try to will yourself to a good day, don’t just sit there. Throw yourself into the world. Reach out to old friends, try activities, travel, and get out of the house.  If we lay in the fetal position in our bedroom, I can assure you things are not going to change.  Everyday is not going to be perfect, and even when we think we are making fantastic progress we’ll wake up and maybe we can’t get the bad off our mind.  That is going to happen, and that’s ok.  Just make sure you don’t allow that time to accumulate and go from one bad day, to a bad week, or a bad month.  That is when we will be crippled by our physical, mental, or emotional wounds.  This can easily happen, so it takes work, perspective, and an appreciation for what is all around us to see the good.  Once you do, embrace it, and focus on that.  Time will heal us physically, mentally, and emotionally you just need to make it through each day. The bad will just waste your energy, and the vast majority of it you can’t do anything about.  So, we may not be happy 24/7, but we can certainly maintain a life that where we are happy a majority of the time and that in itself is pretty special. 

Happy Monday 

Eddie 

What Are Your Goals?!!

The Best Laid Plans…

   “Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth”

    -Mike Tyson.

Plans

   I’m a planner. It’s what I do.  I try to plan things down to the last detail.  If you’re like me then you realize this is futile because life happens. There are things we can’t control and there are things that we may handle improperly, so our plans go awry. In January of 2010 I thought I would start a career in insurance and I’d travel that path in life. After being shot my career took a back seat, and I needed to get my life back.  As I laid there alone in my hospital bed on countless sleepless nights I focused on what I needed to do.  Each day at therapy I pushed as hard as I could no matter if it was attempting to put on my own socks or stand in excess of thirty seconds. I couldn’t put on my own socks for over 4 months. So, while that seems like a small challenge it was immense in my condition.  I took on these challenges each day to get me to my goal, but still I’d get knocked down. I’d need another surgery to close up my abdomen after nine moths of rehab, and those nine months of progress would be negated.  Still I knew where I wanted to be.  I wanted to walk and be independent.  The immense pain, the tears of an unknown future didn’t matter.  I was going to get there.  Even as recently as 2 months ago I broke my hip and femur.  I was back to a wheelchair and walker, but I knew this wasn’t permanent.  Goals are what went after, even if how I was getting there wasn’t in my plans.  If you’re not a planner that’s fine too, but there should always be goals at the end.  The circuitous ways that we get to our goals doesn’t really matter, but that fact that we have them is important.  We can’t just float. We must strive. We must venture. We must take action. 

Goals

  We all strive in this life to figure out what exactly we want or should do, and it's a challenging concept.  We all struggle with this question, and wonder if we made the correct decisions in the past or will make the correct ones in the future.  The fact of the matter is that we won't always choose the correct path or make the right decision, but if we have an ultimate goal and purpose we will eventually find our way there.  If we question every move we make we don't have the foresight to see the ultimate goal.  Step back. Figure out what you want. Now, go all in. It's that simple.  There is no definitive path to success, but we must know how we're looking to succeed.  Success can be defined in a million different ways, but in the end it should be what ultimately makes us happy.  

Experiences

  I’ve strived to recover my body after it was destroyed.  I’ve strived to walk again. I’ve strived to go to the bathroom on my own again. Along the way there obstacles and my plans weren’t always successful, but I never lost sight of the goals.  The same is true of my career path.  After everything happened I knew I wanted to help people.  I’ve put that in action in some ways, but many others failed.  I thought I would do sales and coach, but that didn’t work. I needed to do more.  I now teach, and continue to look for avenues to help.  The fact is I know my purpose is to help people, to inspire, and to motivate. This goal drives me each day, and I won't stop until it is something I am able to do on a daily basis.  Whatever you believe is your purpose, go after it.  You're not always going to get it right, but with the belief and knowledge of what you want there is no doubt you can get there. 

It’s Friday, have an amazing and productive day. Enjoy the weekend!

-Eddie 

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Break ups are tough and we seemingly suffer through them alone.  They are difficult to discuss with others and particularly, as men, we aren’t supposed to show much emotion.  We all go through break ups, so it is interesting that we don’t have conversations about them.  If you mention it to someone, they usually hit you with the “Well, there are plenty of fish in the sea” line or something of the sort and you’re still left alone, lost in your thoughts.  The fact of the matter is you probably wanted THAT person so the “fish in the sea” line doesn’t really comfort you.  Regardless if we break up with someone or get broken up with, both sides are difficult.  

Nowadays, social media adds another element to the toughness.  Not only can you see that your ex is moving on and happy without you but you see so many others happy in their own lives too.   It’s really easy to get even more down about it.  There is certainly a grieving period after a relationship because if you truly loved that person then it is really like having someone die in your life.  You’ll maybe never speak to them again, which is weird because someone who was seemingly a constant in your life is gone forever.  I have some recent experience in this subject and hopefully my thoughts will lend some comfort to your soul. 

Love is Special

If you find love and lose it, many people become hardened so that they never feel that type of pain again.  This is life, and we can’t block out pain.   It’s going to get you one way or another.  If you become hardened to love, there are a world of opportunities and people that you will lose out on.  If you live your life trying not to get hurt then you’re not living your life.  No one wants that.  I don’t want that for you.  Think about when you were in love, it’s the greatest feeling in the world.  If you lose it, it hurts but those moments of pure bliss that you experienced are worth far more than that pain that you feel. The beauty is that the pain will fade with time, and you always have another opportunity to feel love again if you’re open to it. 

My Experience

After I was shot, I thought I was destined to be forever alone.  I wore a diaper for the first year after being shot.  My stomach remained open for the first nine months, leaking my intestines.  I couldn’t get an erection for nine months, and I couldn’t ejaculate for eighteen months.  As I laid in a hospital bed and then my bed at home I figured there would be no woman to ever want me.  I was emasculated, and I thought there was never going to be a chance for me to have a loving, intimate relationship with a woman ever again.  Things got better as they always do and I got rid of the diaper, my stomach was surgically closed, and my man parts began working again. This was a relief, but I still struggled as a single man for the next few years until about a year ago.  I had an amazing, beautiful, intelligent, and driven woman walk into my life.  She accepted my remaining bladder and bowel issues, and for a long time she thought I was the greatest thing in the world, as I always thought of her.  Things changed, the relationship progressed, and she could no longer see herself with me long term.  It hurt, but it was better she did it when she felt it then drag on a relationship for no reason.  I also learned a lot.  I learned I could be in a loving intimate relationship again.  I had the capacity for love and to be loved, which we all do, we just have to be open for it.  So, while that ran its course it makes me hopeful for the future and what it may bring. There will be someone else and when that person comes along I will embrace them as though I’ve never been hurt because it is the only way to truly love someone.  

What Not To Do

            I often hear people trash their former partner, which I don’t get.  You loved the person and you were with them for a significant amount of time.  Putting them down just makes you seem bitter and petty. There is no need to do that. Particularly if they did nothing wrong. If you aren’t making them their happiest then they don’t NEED to be with you.  A relationship is a two way street, and just because you were happy doesn’t mean they have to be.  Life is too short to hang onto hate or anger.  

Moving On

            There is certainly a grieving period and you may be down for a while but never STAY down.  In life, regardless of the obstacle we’ve got to get back up and soldier on to get to the better parts of life. You must go forward and see what lies ahead.  For me, it’s been two months since the woman I thought I was going to marry left me and I’ve dusted myself off and I am getting back to dating.  I won’t harden myself, but rather I’m excited and open to what lies ahead for me.  

This is 2016 and the dating game is an interesting one.  I matched on Bumble with the first woman to ever break my heart, who actually ended up consoling me about my latest break up.  Life experiences are sometimes weird but, it’s been my experience that the good outweighs the bad.  We are all looking for love in some way, shape, or form so go out with a clear mind and open heart and I hope that you won’t lose.  

Don't Forget to Say, "I Love You!"

Don’t Forget to Say I Love

            Growing up, my dad worked a lot and my sisters were 5 and 6 years above me in school, so for a good portion of the day it was only my mom and I.  We did everything together.  I was extremely active, so she literally had to create things to keep me occupied.  We did the Elmwood Park Zoo countless times, I was involved in art, sports - you name it, we did it.  This built an amazing bond between my mother and I. She is someone who always tells you she loves you, and because of that I grew up always saying I love you as I left the house, got off the phone, and at that point it was really just what I said. The reasoning and actual love behind it I didn’t quite recognize.  It was just how I said goodbye to my family.  

What’s the point, Eddie?

            Well, over time, I’ve had many experiences that remind me that always telling someone you love them when you mean it, is extremely necessary. This week my sister, Katie, had a cancer scare.  I was driving and she called me crying.  She had been experiencing pain in her chest over the course of the last month.  This isn’t a common conversation that my sister and I have, so I of course knew nothing about it.  She had just left the doctor, and he was concerned.  She needed to go immediately to get a mammogram. Her tears scared me.  I immediately thought of the things she would have to go through next if she did in fact have cancer.  I already imagined sitting by my beautiful sister’s bedside in the hospital and a chill went through my body.  I remembered my grandmother finding out she had lung cancer, and being gone the next week.  Life changes in the blink of an eye.  My sister’s subsequent tests showed that she is fine and I thank God for that.  However, it was just another situation that made me realize how quickly our lives can change.  

            I also visited Magee Rehabilitation Center this week.  I mentor there and I always see instances of paralysis and spinal cord injury that blow my mind.  Both guys that I mentored didn’t really have any crazy story of how they lost feeling, which makes it even scarier in my opinion.  One guy was on a work trip and bent over to pick up his underwear in his hotel room, and pop went his S4-S5 vertebra and instead of exploding outward it went inward to his spinal cord.  He instantly lost feeling below the waist.  He was picking up his underwear!!! Our reality can change in the most mundane fashion.  Fortunately, he was able to get surgery quickly enough and is already regaining most feeling and function.  The other guy used to do semi-pro wrestling, but can’t remember any specific injury that brought this on.  It was just over the course of a month his body began failing him and his legs got weaker and weaker.  Finally, he was in a wheelchair to get around and decided to see a doctor.  They ended up having to slice up a good portion of his upper back and neck.  They placed hardware in there and reset his spine due to complications with scoliosis. He also is quite blessed as he already has function in both of his legs back.  These guys were just living their lives and out of nowhere they lost the feeling and function of their legs.  That’s scary. You never know what lays ahead of you for the day.  

            In my own situation, I got shot after a sixty-second argument.  A seemingly typical exchange of words between two groups of guys made my life change forever. I had 14 surgeries, aspirated on the surgery table, and flat-lined twice - all because of sixty-seconds on a very common night out.  It’s unbelievable when you think about it.  So, like I said, you never know how your day is going to end up.  And, if you feel it and mean it, you’ll probably never regret telling those you love that you do.  

It’s a Blessing

            The situations I mentioned are horrible but probably not as uncommon or freak as you would think.  When your reality changes, you gain empathy and a realization about life that you probably didn’t have before.  And this empathy and realization are the blessings in the darkness that can help us live our best lives.  As a child, I replied, “I love you,” when I simply left the house.  Now, because of these different situations, when I say, “I love you,” I mean it.  No one in my life will ever question where they stand with me.  They will hear “I Love You” often.  I say it to my male friends, and to some, that’s funny.  But I do love them for the roles they’ve played in my life and I make no apologies for it.  Those words will never be left off the table.  Life is too fragile, too uncertain, and too fleeting not to say what you feel.  So, when you hang up with someone you love, tell them.  When you leave their house, tell them.  If  you haven’t spoken in a while, reach out.  You never know if you’ll get another chance.  

Have an amazing day! 

Eddie 

Don't Pity My Disability

Don’t Pity My Disability

For the last 5 days, I was in Miami, which is truly the land of the beautiful people.  Everyone has fantastic tans, is in shape, and is flaunting their beauty in some way, shape, or form.  I fit in for the most part as I am decently in shape and keep a solid tan (especially from recent travels), but I am definitely different.  In a world of seeming human perfection, I became more and more aware of my flaws daily.  In this world, my limp and paralysis in my left leg were magnified.  I don’t say this because I THINK that, but I say it because I was questioned over and over about it during the course of the five days. I get questioned at home sometimes, but Miami was somewhat of a barrage by all the people I encountered.  I look “normal” for the most part but I am also “handicapped.”  People are fearful of this word and when I use it, people always retort strongly, “No, you’re not!”  But it is a fact.  I have a handicap card, I have handicap parking, and according to anything you read, I am a handicapped man.  

Encounters

            My first encounter with someone was within 10 minutes of arriving on South Beach.  I just parked my rental car, and was walking to the beach.  A couple was sitting at one of the many restaurants on the strip and they stopped me.  The man asked, “Whoa, man what happened?” Even for me, who gets questioned quite often this threw me off a bit since it was so random.  We weren’t conversing; they simply saw me walking by.  I stopped and I told them how I was shot and how I had a bullet in my spinal nerves.  They had the usual reaction of “Wow, I’m so sorry.”  I always stop people here and point out that I’m just blessed to be alive. The couple responded, “Look at you now, crushing South Beach,” which gave me a laugh.  

Another encounter was in the Clevelander on Ocean Drive.  I walked in and was immediately grabbed by a man, who asked what’s wrong with my leg.  I answered him and he, being a few drinks deep, tried to give me some exercises to strengthen the leg.  I told him I appreciated him and explained my paralysis but that I’d still attempt his exercises some time.  We parted ways and wished each other a goodnight.  This is how most of these situations end, but it does make you more self-conscious of yourself especially since this was at night and I was wearing pants and my brace.  He tried being helpful and I don’t fault him, but once again I am not “normal.” 

Finally, while I waited outside of a surf shop for my friend, I was approached by a group of 3 women.  As I stood there, outside the store shirtless, clearly not working there they asked, “Do you work here?” I replied no, and then they asked me what happened as they all looked me up and down.  I explained how I’d been shot, and one of the women simply replied, “You still fine though.” (Haha! I still got it J)

As these situations kept coming up I mused to my friend, how I wished I had my legs fully back. How I wish I walked like everyone else. It can be tough. 

Perspective

             After four days of me thinking and being cognizant of my injuries, we saw a family on the beach.  There was a mother and father and their son.  Their son appeared to have cerebral palsy.  They carted him down in a beach wheelchair with oversized wheels.  It was the heart of Spring Break in Miami and the beginning of Ultra Music Festival, so the beach was packed with happy, healthy college aged kids.  The father paid them no mind, and he strapped his son with inflatable armbands and a life preserver.  He then proceeded to strip down to his bathing suit, pick up his son over his shoulder, and take him to the water.  He laid his son in the water, and then his face lit up with an enormous smile. They stayed in the water the next two hours I was at the beach.  As I sat there watching this with sunglasses on, I’m not too proud to say, I cried. It was beautiful.  The love of father for his son and vice-versa was amazing. The father acted as though they were the only ones on the crowded beach.  

It made me realize whatever issues I may have, in the grand scheme of things they are nothing. I walk, I swim, I can get around and do most everything on my own.  That child will never know independence.  So, while my own disabilities may have seemed so much on display in Miami I realized how grateful I truly am.  I’m not supposed to be alive.  The fact I am living the life that I am defies all logic.  Plus, this new life of mine has also formed me.  I am a better man than I was previously.  It’d be cool to have my legs back, but I wouldn’t trade them for the man I’ve become.  Not everyone can see the beauty that I saw in that father and son and I am truly grateful that I now can.

Life is good. Life is beautiful.  I certainly saw it on the beach that last day, and that memory is one I’ll hold forever.  

Have an amazing day!!

Eddie

Me, Myself, and I

Me, Myself, & I

            I recently took a solo trip and I wanted to report to you all on my findings.  It was pretty awesome.  I was on my own time, did the activities that I wanted to do, and saw some truly beautiful sights.  There were the occasional questions about if I was alone, why I was alone which was usually accompanied by either an “awww” (middle-aged women) or “I wish I could do that,” (middle-aged men). It was definitely an adventure and a learning experience.  I had a lot of time alone to think, evaluate my life and myself, and just truly relax. It was good for the soul, and I’ve definitely come back with a pep in my step and excited to take on the world. My trip was 8 days long.  I stayed in Fort Lauderdale to spend a day with my grandmother then boarded a cruise to Haiti, Jamaica, and Mexico.  

Labadee, Haiti

            This was our first stop after a day at sea.  It was an interesting place.  Labadee is entirely leased by Royal Caribbean until 2050, and is a total tourist destination.  There is a beautiful beach with an enormous zip line, gorgeous water and a small make shift town, but it also has large fences that seemingly keep out the real Haiti. This is a country where 2/3 of the population do not have formal jobs and ¾ of the people live on $2 a day or less. So, they don’t want to show you that.  I did an on-land excursion where they took us to a mock Haitian village. This was interesting, but didn’t lift the curtain on the real Haiti.  We saw women churning peanuts for peanut butter, churning coffee beans, and grating yucca for flatbread.  The people here were not employed by Royal Caribbean and any money spent on art or products would go into the Haitian economy.  I got a few nice pieces of carved wood art which Haiti is somewhat know for.  We then spent some time on a beautiful beach where I learned to play a conch like a horn which was really fun.  Overall, it was a fantastic excursion but lacked the real culture and adventure I was looking for.  We were then off to Jamaica.  

Falmouth, Jamaica

            We arrived here the next morning around 10:30am, and the port itself was very much like Labadee so it was very touristy.  It was vibrant with people playing steel drums and selling anything and everything, but it certainly wasn’t really Jamaica.  Luckily, I booked an excursion for Bob Marley’s house in Nine Mile (because it’s nine miles from the closest town).  To get there, we had to take a 2-hour van ride through Jamaica, and with our tour guide teaching us as we drove we got to see a lot of the country.  She taught us some Patois (which is so awesome; it’s English-based, but with the influences of the different people of Jamaica) and pointed out many different sights and areas.   As we drove on the left side of the road, winding on small mountain roads, which could barely fit two cars, it felt like a roller coaster.  I enjoyed it, but the older passengers were freaking out. Their screams added to my enjoyment of the ride J.  We finally arrived at Bob’s house and overall it was pretty cool.  I mean it certainly is what you would call a tourist trap, but to see the way he is venerated and how he came from such a small area to have his memory and voice echo for eternity is truly remarkable.  There are people selling joints at the gates, and full bars trying to get you to drink their rum punch.  Nobody in my group indulged, but there were many others there that did. You get to see his childhood bedroom, his mothers grave, as well as he and his youngest brother’s graves.  You see his mediation rock and can imagine the lofty dreams he had as he sat there creating his music.  It was cool to envision Bob there growing up.  We then took our van back, and stopped at a small roadside eatery for jerk chicken/pork, rice and beans, which were all amazing.  I sat with a couple from Jerusalem who gave me their number and asked me to visit (so maybe that’s a future trip).  We then made the last 30-minute ride back to our port just in time to catch our ship. Our next stop was in Cozumel, Mexico after another day at sea. 

Cozumel, Mexico

            This was probably the biggest tourist location of all, as Cozumel doesn’t really produce anything and their economy is based 100% off of their tourism.  So, as we left the ship we were bombarded with stores and people selling merchandise.  I was taking an excursion on what they called a Jaguar Bus (a bus that was open air), to an ecological reserve.  I met up with two older couples I had met poolside and had done the initial excursion with in Haiti.  They were great and treated me like their son, which was funny and nice.  The reserve included some ancient Mayan buildings as well as the highest point in Cozumel, their lighthouse.  From the light (since Cozumel is completely flat) you could see everything, and the views were amazing.  Water and beaches as far as the eyes could see.  Then we went back down, and got on bikes that were attached to the back of our bus, and we took a 3-mile bike ride to a secluded beach.  As we rode through the reserve, we saw alligators, iguana, and plenty of vegetation.  Then with our group of about 16 we arrived at the beach to lay out, paddle board, and walk around as we were prepared some Mexican food.  They served us cheese quesadillas, pork tacos, chips and guacamole, and watermelon.  The watermelon they sprinkled with some type of pepper, which I initially was opposed to, but it complemented the sweetness very well.  I have no idea what it was, but they told me that’s how Mexican children eat their watermelon.  Anybody know about this?  If I can figure out what it was I’ll definitely be doing it in the future.  Finally, we boarded our bus back to the shops to walk around until our ship was leaving to go back to Fort Lauderdale.  

Would I do it again?

            I’d absolutely do it again, and I certainly plan on it.  If we are being completely honest though, it would be nice to have a partner in crime.  I definitely missed that at points, particularly eating dinners as a party of one in restaurants - not to mention I enjoy experiencing things with other people, getting their viewpoints and their impressions of what we saw.  I missed my former girlfriend at times, but that’s something I’m sure I’ll struggle with for some time.  That being said, I still had an unbelievable vacation that did a lot for my psyche, motivation, and helped put into perspective many of my goals.  I’ll eventually find another travel partner, but for right now Me, Myself, and I ain’t that bad.  Have an awesome day, and if you’re thinking about a solo trip, just get up and GO!!!

New Year, New You!!!

New Year. New You?

Every year millions of people make millions of resolutions with the most popular being to lose weight.  The corporate gyms salivate at this time of year hoping to lure in people looking for the magic secret of weight loss.  This blog is now going to be a dream crusher because unfortunately there is no “magic secret.”  It won’t be easy to lose weight, but all you really need is the determination and consistency. If you have that then you will accomplish it.  While the journey may be difficult, the actual things you should do are simple: eat right and exercise.

Why?

No one wants to be trapped in a body that they are uncomfortable in.  Believe me, I get that.  I lived with a body that had my abdominal muscles split down the middle and pulled over my ribcage.  Think about living and moving without core muscles… talk about uncomfortable!  When I was shot, one of the bullets landed in my stomach; so not only did I have surgeries to extract it and repair damage, the doctors left my stomach “open” for easy access to repair subsequent issues. To recreate my stomach, they took skin from my thigh to cover my organs.  I remained that way for over 9 months.  I wore a Velcro band around my stomach at all times to give my core and organs support since I didn’t have abdominal muscles.  In those days it was difficult for me to look at my body.   I couldn’t believe it was mine.  When I looked in the mirror, I didn’t know whose body it was and it gave me a pretty bad personal image.  There were times that I cried looking at pictures of what used to be my “normal” stomach, and I vowed that when I was able I would make sure I wasn’t trapped in a body I didn’t want.  No matter what our situations are, we can make the right choices to change our bodies for the better.  Do not ever feel trapped in your body.

Eat Right?!

What does it that even mean??? Low carb, high carb, low fat, more fat?!!?  Relax. It’s not all that difficult.  Unless you have very specific goals i.e. a marathon, bodybuilding competition, Spartan race, you do not need to overcomplicate it.  To begin a weight loss journey, get a simple calorie calculator app on your phone to assess how much you’re eating everyday right now.  Try this for a week.  Once you calculate that, then do a Google search on how many calories you should eat based on your weight and activity level to lose weight.  Start your journey by just doing that- eat only the amount of calories necessary to lose weight.  If you are committed, you will see results.  If you mess up one day, it’s not OVER! This should be a lifestyle change, not just a diet.  Diet is a bad word because it simply means that after “x” amount of time you’ll go back to your bad habits. Just remember that those bad habits got you to a point that you’re not happy with in the first place.  

I personally try to “eat clean.”  If you’re interested in that, comment below and I’ll blog about what that means to me. I prepare my meals for the week on Sundays and sometimes again on Wednesdays, which helps take out the daily guess work as well as the temptation to cheat.  It’s easier to refuse a pizza when I know I have a chicken breast with rice and veggies at home.  And from a monetary standpoint, I already spent the money on that meal at my house, which will be wasted if I give in to pizza. Not too mention large amounts of protein and complex carbs (sweet potatoes, rice, even green veggies) make your meals much less expensive.  

Exercise

TRX, Cross Fit, Yoga, Spinning, Weights, Cardio…what should I do??  To get started, just pick what you enjoy the most, or experiment with a few to figure it out.  Once you pick, start with at least 30 minutes a day.  This has been shown in studies to be the necessary time to see results.  I know people are busy, but thirty minutes of a twenty-four hour day is SO small. In combination with eating the correct number of calories you will get your new body on the way.  I like to hit the elliptical and lift weights. It’s a combination that works for me, but experiment with your body.

Don’t Forget

            Missing a workout or eating too much for one day is NOT going to kill you, but make sure it doesn’t derail you from your goals.  I’ve spoken with numerous people who give up on diets and exercise because of “bad days.” I’ve had my share of bad days (think wings, cheese fries, and everything awful for weight loss) but I didn’t let that one day stop me.  Once the day ends, it’s over.  Forget about it and move on with your plan to succeed.  Once you get it into your head that this is what you want then you will create a habit to help you succeed.  For now, just keep it simple and get started!

Post Super Bowl, Get Back On Track

Get Back on Track, Post-Super Bowl

So, the Super Bowl was last night.  Fun night, solid game.  Peyton rides out into the sunset with a victory, and Cam will surely have another shot to win one in the future.  As viewers, we all indulged.  You probably had a couple drinks (10), a few wings (20) , and maybeee some handfuls of snacks, but today is a new day!  As I said in the New Year, New Me blog these are the type of days that we slip up and that’s fine. As you sit at your desk a little tired, a little bloated, maybe hung-over let’s start making some good choices to get back on track.  

Personally, I’m a big fan of intermittent fasting (IF) post overindulgence days to get myself back on track.  What is that??  I’ve heard of it done a couple of ways: some people just go very low calories and some completely fast.  I like to completely fast and only taking in water or tea over a 24-hour period. ***Make sure you are fully healthy, and check with a Doctor before starting*** Now, some people struggle with the lack of calories and energy for the day at work. If you do or just want to ease into fasting, try the very low calorie route.  This extended period of lower calories will take away the bloat, drinking water will flush the system, and by tomorrow you should be feeling brand new.  Fasting has been shown in numerous studies to reduce oxidative damage and inflammation, optimize energy metabolism, and bolster cellular production.  They’ve even done studies to see if this cellular production may be helpful in the case of cancer patients and bolstering their white blood cell count. I’m getting off track but there is research to back the benefits of fasting and I want you to feel better for the rest of the week and make smart decisions. 

Whether you decide to fast or not, let’s cook! Make your own food before you hit the sheets tonight and you’ll have food for the rest of the week.  Try proteins like fish, ground turkey, bison, or chicken add in a complex carb like rice, sweet potatoes, whole grain pasta and a leafy green then BAM! You’re done.  You can go to sleep knowing you are prepped and ready for the rest of the week.  Here’s a favorite recipe that tastes good and keep me feeling better:

Relax, make your food, get to bed early, and be prepared to attack the day on Tuesday. Stressing over these types of things have been shown to stunt fat loss.  Our cortisol levels may spike during stress, which stimulates insulin release.  This can make you hungrier and eat foods that aren’t very good for you.  Ipso facto, hello BELLY FAT! So relax, do what you can, don’t stress it.  This is one day; your weight loss/maintenance is a journey over your lifetime.  

So today, focus on smart choices while eating, or possibly fasting and flush the system with fluids.  This should hit the reset button on the body, and you’ll crush the rest of the week. Let’s keep things simple, and keep our eyes on the prize, which is to look good and FEEL GOOD in a bathing suit come Summer.  Have an amazing Monday!

-Eddie 

Sober in a Drunken World

Sober in a Drunken World

            Soooo, another thing about me.  I’m sober and have been for 4 ½ years.  My sobriety date is August 22, 2011. This has been on my mind a lot lately as I’ve been on the single scene and going out more.  It’s explaining this to new people when you’re out or to people when you go out on dates, and it reminds you that you’re different.  I never use to question my sobriety and now over the past few months, I have.  I wondered if it was necessary, if I’d be more fun, or more interesting to the opposite sex if I was just willing to have some drinks and “loosen up” a bit.  I have since extinguished those ideas because it could really be a slippery slope for me.  

As I go out, it is interesting to see people’s reactions.  They don’t understand it; they want me to taste their drinks. “It’s good man, try it out,” but my life doesn’t work that way.  I have no interest in the taste.  On dates, women usually avoid drinking even though I try to tell them to go right ahead.  Some people become uncomfortable and think I’ll be judging them, as they drink which couldn’t be further from the truth.  Whatever anyone is doing, I’ve probably done worse and I was probably less apologetic about it. 

So much of our culture is based around drinking.  First date?  Let’s meet for drinks. Haven’t seen friends in a while? Let’s meet for drinks. Dinner? Drinks. Brunch? Drinks. It’s the weekend? Drinks.  Weekday night out? Drinks.  It’s what we do as a culture, and there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with this if we do it responsibly.  I couldn’t do it responsibly and that’s why I don’t. 

Why I don’t drink

I was your standard college kid that drank a fair bit.  As I graduated college, I continued those habits.  I then got shot, and I worked for a year rehabbing so there was no drinking.  I physically couldn’t as I had a fistula that left my stomach open.  I also still wore a diaper, for issues with my bladder and bowels, so drinking wasn’t a good option.  I did look forward to the day I could go out again and feel “normal.”  A year after being shot, my buddies, who I was with the night I got shot, came to town.  We did dinner, and I decided I would drink.  And drink I did.  The night went off without any problems, so I continued to drink over the next 6 months. 

In those 6 months, I was hospitalized twice due to drinking.  I would get to a point where I couldn’t walk, I’d pass out, and it was pathetic.  I was dealing with a lot and this was what made me feel “normal.” Finally, I passed out in front of the Princeton in Avalon, New Jersey with a very faint pulse.  An ambulance took me to the hospital, and I woke up with an IV and no recollection. I woke up angry, angry that people would dare call an ambulance and couldn’t just get me out of there.  

That’s a sick mentality, they essentially saved me and I was bitter.  That was my mindset.  I wanted to be like everyone else, but I wasn’t and I’m not.  I did some thinking the next couple days and found myself in an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting the following Monday.  I never drank after that.  I stopped regularly attending meetings after a couple months, but I learned a lot.  I met great people and hold on to a lot of the principles they teach in those rooms. This has kept me from going back down that path.  

I still regularly talk with people who are struggling with alcohol.  In most cases, they don’t fully stop drinking but they do see that it has become an issue in their life.  It happens and it’s nothing to be ashamed of.  Everyone needs to figure out for him or herself how big of an issue it is, and if they need to give it up.  My biggest issue after stopping drinking was what the hell do I do now?  Every social event particularly for someone in their 20’s involves alcohol. 

So is there life after drinking?

            Indeed there is and it’s a pretty wonderful life.  There is a whole world out there other than a club or bar, and don’t get me wrong I still enjoy those things but my world no longer revolves around them.  I like museums, the outdoors, physical activity, sporting events, food festivals, and the list goes on and on.  I think I’m more likely to do one of those activities than if I was still in the drinking scene because I’d probably just default to the bar.  

Being sober is now part of who I am, and while I’m sure I’d have no problem having a glass of wine or two on a first date, there is no reason for me to start now. This is me, this is the life I’ve found works best for me and if someone doesn’t like it then that’s their own issue. So, while I did have some moments of weakness over the past few months where I thought I’d drink again I ultimately chose against it.  It’s my choice, and it’s always my choice.  

So if you struggle with alcohol know that you can always get help.  If you’re young and wonder how you’ll maintain a social life without it, know that you certainly can.  Life doesn’t end when you stop drinking - just as it doesn’t end with any obstacle you may face.  It’s different, and you may get some negative reactions but if it is truly best for you, then that is what you need to do.  Continue being the best you can be each and everyday everyone and God bless.

-Eddie

Venture Forth

Venture Forth

“Let him who would enjoy a good future waste none of his present”

-Roger Babson

If you’re like me, then you constantly read self-improvement articles, books, etc.  In those you’ll usually see tips from successful people that can vary from everything from making your bed in the morning to being a kinder person.  One that I constantly see over and over again is to travel.  They talk about exploring this great big earth and learn from the experiences of the places and people you travel to.  This sounds simple because everyone likes to travel.  We like exploring new places and getting away from the routine of our everyday lives.  So, why don’t we? It’s something we talk about; want to do, plan, and then we don’t always follow through.  So many people I speak to talk about these “bucket lists” of where they want to go and see, but they remain on the bucket list.  We can say that work gets in the way, it’s expensive, it’s not a good time, it’s more difficult to go on vacation than stay at work, etc., etc. We can create a million reasons as to why we can’t travel more, but if we truly want to do it there is no reason why we can’t.  

My Excuses

I love to travel, I like new experiences, and I like seeing what this world has to offer.  For me travel has become more difficult.  The amount of walking on a trip is typically a lot, whether it is through an airport, after your arrival on an excursion, or maybe your entire destination requires some walking in any case that became a problem for me.  Since I have my drop foot and limp, which results in a side-to-side type of walk, it requires a lot of effort.  Also, when you walk like that you elicit a lot of stares and questions. These things held me back for a long time.  I was uncomfortable in these situations and I avoided them.  When I was a salesperson the traveling made me hate the job.  It should have been fun, but for my own personal reasons it made things miserable.  These issues haven’t changed, but I’ve found that I don’t need to walk fast. I don’t need to hurry, and frankly I don’t care about people staring at me.  It is a common occurrence and I’ve gotten used to it.  What I have found is that the rewards of traveling far outweigh any of these negatives, and I might go experience as much as I want on my own terms.

Why should we Travel

Hit the reset button.  You can relax, clear your mind and refocus for when you get back to everyday activities. As we can get caught up in the mundane activities of life we can become disenchanted and therefore less productive. When we take a step back to relax then we can become reenergized about life and come back looking to accomplish much more.

Gain a better understanding of the world around us.  We can get so caught up in our small place in the world, and forget how enormous the earth is.  We can see how others live, what they focus on, and what they give value to.  These things are usually different than our own, and it can help us reevaluate what’s important to us in this life.   

Bring out our highest happiness. When we travel we get to relax, we get away from work, and we can be ourselves.  When you travel you’re happy, those around you are happy, so why not do this more often?  You have days you can take from work, use them and when you get back you’ll probably be more productive. 

Final Excuse

I don’t have anyone to travel with.  You get to an age and it becomes difficult to coordinate with friends, and if you have no significant other then who are you to travel with?  Yourself, you have always been there for yourself so why not explore the world alone.  I am currently taking a cruise by myself (no, it’s not a singles cruise…smh). My friends are scattered around the tri-state area, people are married, have kids, etc. So, coordinating travel dates is almost impossible, but yet I still want to get away so sometimes we must just venture forth.  Enjoy our alone time, understand ourselves, meet new people, and enjoy the benefits that traveling can bring to your life.  Get out there and enjoy, you’ll surely bring more life to your own life. 

Intro to MEEE!!!

Background

   I’m Eddie DiDonato and I am the youngest of three children born to two loving parents in suburban Philadelphia.   My childhood was a charmed one, excelling in academics and athletics throughout school.  This culminated with graduating from Villanova University in May 2009, where I was two-time captain for the men's lacrosse team.  Upon graduation, I got an insurance job and was enjoying my early 20’s. However, on January 17, 2010, after a night out in Olde City, Philadelphia I was shot six times at close range. My physical and mental journey back, complete with successes and failures has become the inspiration for this blog.  After almost losing my life, I realized that I want to live my best possible life and motivate others to do the same.

My Journey

   Did he say he got shot?! Rewind. That's always the response. So, here we go. It was a night out in Philadelphia with friends much like many others in my early 20s. This one just ended differently.  A friend I was with had an altercation with another guy, and within sixty seconds that guy had a gun drawn. Hands in the air, stupidly, I asked, "C’mon who are you going to shoot?" Bad question. He fired twice, hitting me in the hand and shoulder.  I fell forward and he fired four more times into my abdomen. In all, he hit me six times. I laid there unable to get up due to paralysis from one of the bullets landing in my spinal nerves.  At 22, I thought life was over. In all, I received 14 surgeries and underwent years of rehab to regain the ability to walk, regain control of my bladder and bowels, as well as regain sexual function. 

The Blog

    The injuries and trials I have faced have given me a unique, and surprisingly positive, perspective on life.  I've found that my perspective is helpful to some, and that is why I want to share it through this blog.  My tears, pains, struggles, and triumphs will be on display to provide proof that regardless of situations: Life. Gets. Better.  We only need to believe it will and work hard to make it happen.  I’ve gone from a wheelchair to a triathlon to a bodybuilding competition, while still dealing with paralysis through the lower half of my body. I don’t claim to have all the answers, but I can certainly speak to what has and has not worked for me. I hope you'll follow along and my experiences can give you hope and strength.  

Thanks for Reading!

-Eddie