Sober in a Drunken World
Soooo, another thing about me. I’m sober, have been for 4 ½ years. My sobriety date is August 22, 2011. This has been on my mind a lot lately as I’ve been on the single scene and going out more. It’s explaining this to new people when you’re out or to people when you go out on dates, and it reminds you that you’re different. I never question my sobriety, well except over the past few months. I wondered if it was necessary, if I’d be more fun, or more interesting to the opposite sex if I was just willing to have some drinks and “loosen up” a bit. I have since extinguished those ideas that could possible lead to a fire because it could really be a slippery slope. As I go out it is interesting to see people’s reactions. They don’t understand it; they want me to taste their drinks. “It’s good man, try it out,” but my life doesn’t work that way. I have no interest in the taste. Some people become uncomfortable and think I’ll be judging them, as they drink which couldn’t be further from the truth. I don’t hate drinking, but it was just something I realized I simply couldn’t do. Some people also come up to me and tell me how much they do hate drinking, as they are drinking, and wish they didn’t. This is always interesting because I’m not sure the angle, but if they really want help I’m always an open ear to listen. On dates women usually avoid drinking even though I try to tell them to go right ahead. The self-consciousness always fascinates me as they don’t have to do what I’m doing and if they want to relax with a few drinks I have no issues with it, but I get it. I’m different, I’m an outcast, and I’m a pariah in this drinking world. So much of our culture is based around drinking. First date? Let’s meet for drinks. Haven’t seen friends in a while? Let’s meet for drinks. Dinner? Drinks. Brunch? Drinks. It’s the weekend? Drinks. Weekday night out? Drinks. It’s what we do as a culture, and there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with this if we do it responsibly. I couldn’t do it responsibly and that’s why I don’t.
Why I don’t drink
I was your standard college kid that drank a fair bit, as I graduated college I continued those habits. I then got shot, and I worked for a year rehabbing so there was no drinking. I couldn’t as I had a fistula that left my stomach open. I also still wore a diaper, for issues with my bladder and bowels, so drinking wasn’t a good option. I did look forward to the day I could go out again, and feel “normal.” A year after being shot, my buddies, who I was with the night I got shot, came to town. We did dinner, and I decided I would drink. And drink I did. Mind you, I was still wearing a diaper, and this wasn’t a great idea. The night went off without any problems, so I continued to drink over the next 6 months. In those 6 months, I hospitalized myself twice due to drinking. I would get to a point where I couldn’t walk, I’d pass out, and it was pathetic. I was dealing with a lot and this was what made me feel “normal.” Finally, I passed out in front of the Princeton in Avalon, New Jersey with my pulse being very faint. An ambulance took me to the hospital, and I woke up with an IV in and no recollection. I woke up angry, angry that people would dare call an ambulance and couldn’t just get me out of there. That’s a sick mentality, they essentially saved me and I was bitter. That was my mindset. I wanted to be like everyone else, but I wasn’t and I’m not. I did some thinking the next couple days and found my self in an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting the following Monday. I never drank after that. I stopped regularly attending meetings after a couple months, but I learned a lot. I met great people and hold on to a lot of the principles they teach in those rooms. This has kept me from going back down that path. I still regularly counsel people who are struggling and maybe they don’t fully stop drinking, but they do see that it has become an issue in their life. It happens, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone needs to figure out for him or herself how big of an issue it is, and if they need to give it up. My biggest issue after stopping drinking was what the hell do I do now? Every social event particularly for someone in their 20’s involves alcohol.
So is there life after drinking?
Indeed there is and it’s a pretty wonderful life. There is a whole world out there other than a club or bar, and don’t get me wrong I still enjoy those things but my world no longer revolves around them. I like museums, the outdoors, physical activity, sporting events, food festivals, and the list goes on and on. Also, any drinking event can easily be a non-drinking event if you don’t want to drink. Many people who drink and might not drink for one night tell me how much they hate being sober when others are drinking. I’ve gotten used to it, and I don’t judge. Whatever anyone is doing, I’ve probably done worse and I was probably less apologetic about. It’s always interesting explaining it to new people, and especially going on dates to see how someone responds. Some people are uncomfortable, some embrace it, and some are indifferent and it really doesn’t matter. It’s now part of who I am, and while I’m sure I’d have no problem having a glass of wine or two on a first date there is no reason for me to. This is me, this is the life I’ve found works best for me and if someone doesn’t like it then that’s their own issue. So, while I did have some moments of weakness over the past few months where I thought I’d drink again I ultimately chose against. It’s my choice, and it’s always my choice. If you struggle with alcohol know that you can always get help. If you’re young and wonder how you’ll maintain a social life know that you certainly can. Life doesn’t end when you stop drinking just as it doesn’t end with any obstacle you may face. It’s different, and you may get some negative reactions but if it is truly best for you than that’s what you need to do. So if you have a problem, know there are many out here just like you and reach out. We all need help sometimes. Continue being the best you can be each and everyday everyone and God bless.
-Eddie