Breaking Up Is Hard To Do
Break ups are tough and we seemingly suffer through them alone. They are difficult to discuss with others and particularly, as men, we aren’t supposed to show much emotion. We all go through break ups, so it is interesting that we don’t have conversations about them. If you mention it to someone, they usually hit you with the “Well, there are plenty of fish in the sea” line or something of the sort and you’re still left alone, lost in your thoughts. The fact of the matter is you probably wanted THAT person so the “fish in the sea” line doesn’t really comfort you. Regardless if we break up with someone or get broken up with, both sides are difficult.
Nowadays, social media adds another element to the toughness. Not only can you see that your ex is moving on and happy without you but you see so many others happy in their own lives too. It’s really easy to get even more down about it. There is certainly a grieving period after a relationship because if you truly loved that person then it is really like having someone die in your life. You’ll maybe never speak to them again, which is weird because someone who was seemingly a constant in your life is gone forever. I have some recent experience in this subject and hopefully my thoughts will lend some comfort to your soul.
Love is Special
If you find love and lose it, many people become hardened so that they never feel that type of pain again. This is life, and we can’t block out pain. It’s going to get you one way or another. If you become hardened to love, there are a world of opportunities and people that you will lose out on. If you live your life trying not to get hurt then you’re not living your life. No one wants that. I don’t want that for you. Think about when you were in love, it’s the greatest feeling in the world. If you lose it, it hurts but those moments of pure bliss that you experienced are worth far more than that pain that you feel. The beauty is that the pain will fade with time, and you always have another opportunity to feel love again if you’re open to it.
My Experience
After I was shot, I thought I was destined to be forever alone. I wore a diaper for the first year after being shot. My stomach remained open for the first nine months, leaking my intestines. I couldn’t get an erection for nine months, and I couldn’t ejaculate for eighteen months. As I laid in a hospital bed and then my bed at home I figured there would be no woman to ever want me. I was emasculated, and I thought there was never going to be a chance for me to have a loving, intimate relationship with a woman ever again. Things got better as they always do and I got rid of the diaper, my stomach was surgically closed, and my man parts began working again. This was a relief, but I still struggled as a single man for the next few years until about a year ago. I had an amazing, beautiful, intelligent, and driven woman walk into my life. She accepted my remaining bladder and bowel issues, and for a long time she thought I was the greatest thing in the world, as I always thought of her. Things changed, the relationship progressed, and she could no longer see herself with me long term. It hurt, but it was better she did it when she felt it then drag on a relationship for no reason. I also learned a lot. I learned I could be in a loving intimate relationship again. I had the capacity for love and to be loved, which we all do, we just have to be open for it. So, while that ran its course it makes me hopeful for the future and what it may bring. There will be someone else and when that person comes along I will embrace them as though I’ve never been hurt because it is the only way to truly love someone.
What Not To Do
I often hear people trash their former partner, which I don’t get. You loved the person and you were with them for a significant amount of time. Putting them down just makes you seem bitter and petty. There is no need to do that. Particularly if they did nothing wrong. If you aren’t making them their happiest then they don’t NEED to be with you. A relationship is a two way street, and just because you were happy doesn’t mean they have to be. Life is too short to hang onto hate or anger.
Moving On
There is certainly a grieving period and you may be down for a while but never STAY down. In life, regardless of the obstacle we’ve got to get back up and soldier on to get to the better parts of life. You must go forward and see what lies ahead. For me, it’s been two months since the woman I thought I was going to marry left me and I’ve dusted myself off and I am getting back to dating. I won’t harden myself, but rather I’m excited and open to what lies ahead for me.
This is 2016 and the dating game is an interesting one. I matched on Bumble with the first woman to ever break my heart, who actually ended up consoling me about my latest break up. Life experiences are sometimes weird but, it’s been my experience that the good outweighs the bad. We are all looking for love in some way, shape, or form so go out with a clear mind and open heart and I hope that you won’t lose.
Have an amazing day!
-Eddie